


I Think I Need A New Heart

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Marauders' Era, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-06
Updated: 2009-08-06
Packaged: 2019-01-19 23:43:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12420648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Lily Evans is starting seventh year, and she's scared out of her mind. What, with  her Head Girl duties, the NEWTs, James Potter's strange new personality, and the tensions growing both outside of and in the castle. Plus, she'll have to answer the age old question: What the hell is a Chizpurfle?





	I Think I Need A New Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

  
Author's notes: 1  


* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Author's Note: Welcome to my story! It's my first fanfiction, but I just got frustrated with not being able to find any I truly loved, so I decided to write my own!

 

Dear Lily,  
     PLEASE DO NOT THROW THIS AWAY. Despite the owl, this letter is not from James Potter. This is Remus Lupin, writing on behalf of James Potter. Well, not really, because he is currently passed out on the couch. If he were awake, though, I am almost definite he would have me do this anyway. I am writing to apologize for the letter you have no doubt received by now. Regretfully, the news is true. James Potter has been made Head Boy. He would, however, like to apologize for the other sentiments expressed. They were induced by copious amounts of alcohol and not at all sincere. I hope you are having a pleasant summer, and this little mishap has not disturbed you too greatly.  
Your friend,  
Remus Lupin

 

Dear Remus,  
     I appreciate the apology, Remus. But please tell James Potter to shove his Head Boy badge up his fat ugly arse. And let him know that if he even brings up any of those horrid things he wrote in that letter ever again, I will hex him about thirty or so years into the future. This is a feat I am capable of, to give you fair warning.  
Sincerely,  
Lily Evans  
P.S. I hope you are having a pleasant summer as well. I look forward to seeing you!

 

Evans,  
     I am very, very sorry.  
Your slave,  
James Potter

 

Dear Lily,  
     Is there any way you could owl us back that letter? I'd sort of like to keep it forever and ever. You know, just for memories and all that. We can distribute copies at your and James' wedding! Won't that be a laugh?  
     You know, I think you're taking this whole thing a bit too seriously, Lils, my dear. We were all very very out of it, except for Remus. And sure, James wouldn't actually mind doing some of those things, but he didn't mean to offend you. He didn't even mean to send it. That was all my doing, I think. I can't quite remember.  
     But, really, if you still have it, could you just send it right back?  
Hugs and kisses,  
Sirius Black

 

Dear James (and Sirius)  
     Sod off.  
Lily.  
P.S. Since you are Head Boy and all, I feel we should develop a mature and cordial relationship. Obviously this letter is doing nothing to further that agenda, but I felt a strong need to tell the two of you to sod off.

 

Evans,  
     Alright then! We will be mature and cordial and friends and all that. See you then!  
Potter  
P.S. By the way, I know mature means like adults, and not, you know.

 

Lily,  
     I have been thinking for days, and I cannot for the life of me figure out what it would possibly mean to do the Chizpurfle. As I'm sure you are aware, a Chizpurfle is a sort of magical parasite. If James was intoxicated when writing that letter, he could very well have gotten confused. Then again, he is a seventeen year old boy, and they know all sorts of twisted things us delicate ladies don't. Have you asked Marlene? She might know. Anyway, congratulations on Head Girl! I can't wait to see you! I miss you!  
Love,  
Alice

 

Lily,  
    I do not know for sure what that is, though I have my suspicions. But do not, under any circumstances, agree to do it. Not that you would. See you in a bit!  
Marlene  
P.S. You WILL snog someone this year, if I have to knock you out and glue your face to someone elses'. So, there's always that to look forward to.

 


End file.
